Current mood:

infuriated

miserable
~i can't do this anymore. i hate hate hate going to work. and she wasn't even fucking there today! she had to go cover at southlands, but 7 am she called to bitch about stuff. iwas so upset i was like, shaking. i didn't know all day if i would start screaming or crying. and today should have been a good day cuz bill opened and then nancy closed, but no. day ruined right away.

and all my parents say is that i should find a new job before i quit cuz i have bills and rent and blah blah blah. like i wasn't aware of that! i'm like, telling me that doesn't help! i know! but i wanna kill myself everytime i set foot in that fucking store now, and i don't see how that's good either!

bill was funny though. he was like, don't leave me! cuz i was pissed, and he asked if i wanted to talk about it, and i said no. cuz i might have yelled or cried lol. what's interesting though is that if i quit, i prob would never hear from john again. cuz i wouldn't be answering the phone if he happened to call anymore. but anyway...

and just now my dad called, and he didn't help either. cuz my mom kept asking stuff about what she does, and i said it's nothing she's doing wrong or just being mean to me on purpose or anything. cuz my dad was saying i should talk to larry, but i have no intention of doing that. he won't care that we don't get along. she does her job of bossing me around without caring about me or how i do my job and how i've been doing my job for a year, and there's no issue of her doing something spiteful or anything like that to complain about. i just hate everything she does and how she forces me to do things and how she talks down to me like i'm 5. i say anything to larry, and what will change? nothing. except she'll know i complained about her. and larry and patty are friends, so it's not like larry'd actually care about me. i have no idea what larry thinks of me, but i've never heard him say anything nice about me in the 3 years we've worked together. we get along okay and all, but there's nothing to say to him. so my dad said well, then you either put up with it or find another job. and i said no shit that's what i'm doing! so why all the useless talking at me? GRAH!

i'm just so fucking frustrated and upset. i hate everything right now. my life completely sucks and i'm just done with it. and i don't need people fucking pointing out that i have to pay for shit or asking me whether i have a fucking resume. why is it that everyone always says all the wrong things to me when i'm feeling the worst? i feel like shit and my mom points out i have rent? what the fuck? and she's all and you're so smart...what the hell does that matter? that doesn't make a job fucking appear, so why tell me i'm so great but have no options? NOT HELPING!

i am soooo glad i'm off tomorrow. not so glad i have to go back thursday.